Prayer of the False Self

Oh God, my God, why do I abandon you? Far from you I wander and drift dancing on a sea of my attachments.

My desire for affirmation so I feel like I belong, even though I know I belong to you, and you are all I need.

My compulsion to feel responsible for everything and everyone, to be the good little schoolboy who makes sure everyone and everything is in order, lest I feel abandoned again.

My constant worry that feels like a tightrope stretched taut from my head to my heart, wrapping and gnarling itself around my gut like raw bleeding intestines.

Why can’t I trust you and my true self more when I look over my shoulder and realize your loving presence has always guided my path and kept me safe, even when I felt hopeless and lost?

You have always been and always will be there unfolding life’s treasures of love and joy in every breath you breathe in me.

Help me let go of my false humility that robs me of the truth that I am stronger than I can ever imagine because I stand and bask in the power of You.

Help me let go of my attempts to numb the pain of life through excessiveness and addictions and find balance and tranquility within my body as I allow you to restore my natural rhythm and wholeness.

Oh God, my God, thank you for never abandoning me; for blessing and transforming my human attachments, my vain glory and pride, which I clutch like a grumpy old man unwilling to let go of his cane and walk free.

Thank you for carefully chiseling my life with your master’s carving tool, turning my wounds into scars because you, the Creator, are forever making all things new.

Brian Plachta

b_plachta@yahoo.com

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