I Am Not Angry at God

I’m not angry at God.  I’m challenged by my own and others misperceptions about God.

All too often I find myself trying to put God in a box, trying to articulate in my mind who I think God is and how God relates to me.  And I find others doing the same, claiming their dogma is better than mine, their God is bigger than mine.

But, God cannot be placed in a box.  God cannot be fully defined by my rationale mind because my intellect is only one part of my humanity.  I can think about whom I envision God is, but just like trying to describe the taste of peanut butter and chocolate mixed together in a Reese’s peanut butter cup, I can never fully define how God and I are one.

I can savor the experience of chocolate melting in my mouth relished with the smooth texture of peanut butter rolling across my tongue, just as I can enjoy the glimpse of God I feel when I walk along a country road and hear morning birds on the cusp of dawn calling out God’s love for me.  But, I cannot fully contain with words either of those experiences.  They must be lived and simply enjoyed.

So often these days I hear people say they are angry at God and wonder whether he exists.  And while being angry at God is something I have learned to respect since at least it means I have a relationship with God, I wonder if they are not really angry at God, but rather frustrated and challenged by their own and other’s attempts to define God, who cannot be fully defined, only experienced.

Perhaps when I simply let God be God, and me be me, I can wrestle out loud with God more genuinely until I finally get to that space inside of me where I know how much God loves me and that’s all I need to know, that’s all I need to experience—simply letting God love me and me loving God in return.

—Brian Plachta

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